Musings from an Ambulance

On Saturday my precious wife Nicky had what we thought at first was a heart attack. Even now we still don't know what really happened. However for 15- 20 minutes the prospect of widowhood hit me like a steam train. Rapidly I posted on Facebook and texted to get people praying. Meanwhile I was praying and the journey to hospital was filled with thoughts and theological reflections.

It is not only in Church or daily life that you need rock solid theological foundations, you do. But when the proverbial hits the fan then you need the rock that is the knowledge of God to get you through lifes storm.

I tried to write my thoughts in my journal today and share them with you now.

1 As far as I can remember all my married life I've told Nicky daily I loved her. H At that moment in the ambulance I realized that once a day was nowhere enough. In the back of an ambulance what is important comes sharply into focus. Telling your wife you love her is vital to life because you can never tell her enough. In fact obeying Jesus and his command in Ephesians 5:22-25 to love ypur wife as Christ loves the church comes sharply into focus. So husbands tell your wife daily and regularly how much you love her.

2. I realised that there are possibly a thousand things weve never done together that I always wanted to do. For me it was learning to dance the tango together and to visit Corsica. I was regretting hours spent in fruitless meetings when Icould have spent hours just with her. The thought of never praying with her again or holding her in my arms or watching her sleeping filled my mind with loneliness and despair. Note to self make sure I diary in to do these things....

3. Thirdly I need to make a will, learn how the washing machine works where all the financial stuff is. Nicky runs the show at home if I lost her I'd be stuffed. Note to self you never know when the time comes so be ready for it...... You don't get a trial run at death.

4. Fourthly I was glad that I'm a Calvinist. I treasure the sovereignty of god and knew that this incident has his hand apon it. It is his hand that was pushing the inside of my wifes chest cavity and I knew that that hand is a good hand. The arms in which she lays are his, and I know that if she passes into death it is from his hand to his arms that she will pass. Our lives are in His hands but our fuure is the everlasting arms. From the moment I met this beautiful women I have always played second fiddle to the true man in her life. Jesus has always been the first and foremost in her life and he will one day greet this treasure that he has loaned me and He will claim her for his own. So that whatever befalls her the loving bridegroom holds her, and his saving power will keep her in life and in death.

5 I thanked him too that my Calvinism meant that I knew there was sovereign grace for me for the future. I believe in future Grace......... surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life. A high view of scripture keeps you from madness in times like these. Here I was facing my greatest earthly fear and his peace and grace were there in the ambulance. This incident on a Saturday afternoon taught me that the promises of 1 Corinthians 15 are true When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."
55"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"
I was powerless to do something about this but I knew we were held.

6 As I worshipped the LORD in my heart I was glad that I believed in a Gospel of healing as well as a Gospel of grace. The outcome of this incident was neither mine nor the doctors but His and I knew that whatever the outcome he would have the glory.

7 I thanked god for the NHS and the paramedics and the skill of the doctors.